I’m hoping many of you won’t have been in the same position as me, having had the misfortune to hear three monumental fuck ups of Christmas singles. The words-fail-me-how-bad-it-is cover of the greatest Christmas song of all, Fairytale of New York by Jon Bon Jovi, talent vacuum Gemma Collins (I’m hoping most of you don’t actually know who she is, your life will be better for not knowing) duetting with Darren Day. Finally, the cheeky chappie that I wouldn’t tire of smacking in the face with a shovel, Robbie fucking Williams, and his Christmas song, the lyrics of which seem to have been written by a chimpanzee who has an extremely limited vocabulary and has learned most of their words and phrases from watching a succession of idiots on daily COVID 19 briefings, cobbling them together clumsily in a vain attempt to create a song.… Read the rest
