Live Music – The Best Bad (Good) Influence…

This is a post I started writing earlier, but the outcome has changed as a result of today’s activity…

Rollercoaster of Emotions

I’ve been on a bit of a rollercoaster for the last few weeks, experiencing some of the highest highs and the lowest lows I’ve felt in a long time from a mental health perspective.

Yesterday I finished delivering a two week induction training course in Perth for 10 new starts, and I’m now emotionally and physically drained after two weeks of putting my heart and soul entirely into work. I’m glad to say the actual training was an entirely positive experience, with the odd left field issue thrown in to test me. The group of individuals had quite a profound effect on me, a wide range of personalities, some genuine characters and people who I hope I can call friends as well as colleagues.

I have to say, the opportunity to get back in front of a group of people for an extended period of time instead of at the end of Teams call was a breathe of fresh air. The actual work itself wasn’t an issue. I love doing what I do, and I always aiming to be the best I can be at work. The rollercoaster is all about me and the way I approach, well, life in general.

Perfectionist

I end up working 12 hour days – going in early and finishing late – to ensure my delegates get the best possible experience. I stress over every minor detail, trying to ensure everything is perfect and trying to cover every possible eventuality, planning the content for the next day and ensuring the look and feel of the training room is right and I’m creating the right atmosphere for my audience. Every day I get myself in such a state that my stomach is churning, my mouth is dry and my mind is spinning with everything I need to achieve that day.

But as soon as the first person walks through that door, the mask goes on, and stays there until everybody leaves that night. Then I’m on a mission to clean down and get everything set up for the next day… it’s at that point I realise I have eaten nothing all day and end up eating all the wrong things in massive quantities until I feel bloated and quite ill.

Highs and Lows

The highs are all there during the day, but the lowest of the lows are at night once I eventually try to switch off my mind, and in the morning when I wake. The thoughts of how things went that day and how they could have been done so much better, and how the next day will go, focussing on what is going to go wrong … they all fill my mind, then escalate out of control. Instead of just focussing on how that day went, I thin’ of a conversation I had twenty years ago and how I wish I could go back and say something different, a feeling that nothing I do will ever be good enough and that I am a completely worthless individual before I eventually fall asleep from sheer exhaustion. Only to wake up feeling the same way.

The result of this leads to behaviours like short temper, inability to focus on other things outwith work, and weirdly lately an inability almost to determine the difference between reality and imagination. I feel like I am existing in a dreamlike state where the line between what actually happened and when it happened is blurred with what I think has happened and when, alongside some vivid dreams.

My Own Doing

The thing that frustrates me most about all of this is that it is mostly my own doing. There are plenty of tools in my toolkit that I can call on to try to stop my mind going to these places, but I convinced myself that because my highs were so high everything was good. In fact I have been dreading the training coming to an end as it was all consuming and taking all my focus and energy. With nothing to focus on, and specifically no work as I’m on annual leave for 2 weeks, I did worry that once I do manage to switch off from work mode, all my negative thoughts will take over.

Although today is Saturday and I’m officially on holiday, there are still things on my mind about work and I had to drop a couple of things off in the office today. Normally, I’d go in later in the evening so I can park outside and quickly run in and back out. For some reason today I decided to park elsewhere and walk up to the office.

The Power of Music

This had a fortuitous effect, that made me realise you can never underestimate the power of music.

I have missed the experience of live gigs over the course of the pandemic, and the restorative powers these have. I’ve written before about how I can go to a gig in a crowded room and get completely lost in the whole experience as if I’m the only one there. I long for this feeling again.

Today I experienced the nearest I have to that feeling in over a year, thanks to Glasgow’s premier buskers, the trio who go by the name of The Best Bad Influence. I’ll ruin their name for a moment by saying, for me, today, they were the Best Good Influence. The hour or so I spent watching them had a positive impact on my state of mind after feeling a bit of a comedown this morning having waved goodbye to all my trainees yesterday.

Busking

The Best Bad Influence are a three piece from Ayrshire who are back entertaining the city centre shoppers now that we are emerging out of lockdown. I’ve been bumping my gums about this lot for some time now. They are a formidable live experience, and their busking set-up and set has come on leaps and bounds since they first took to the streets.

I’d prescribe an hour of The Best Bad Influence to anyone who needs a bit of a lift. And plenty of people were taking advantage of their therapeutic powers today from my observations.

The Best Bad Influence

The band are Alexander on guitar and vocals, fellow ginger, Niall on drums (sensibly applying the Sun screen under the heat of the Glasgow sun today) and Mark on his Double Bass (Big Fat Fanny). And what a brilliant noise they make. Take a seemingly unending supply of rockabilly classics from Eddie Cochran to Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis to Johnny Cash, and add their own songs from their impressive debut, Rock-It, available on Spotify (as Alexander may have mentioned on occasion today) and you have the recipe to bring a smile to the face of every shopper, drinker, worker or just passer by.

I spent some time observing the large crowds that gathered drawn by the infectious rockabilly rhythms. This selection of people drawn by one thing took in a cross section of society, all took in every age group, crossed races, took in both sexes, and all sexual orientations, plenty of rainbows on display. All brought together by one thing. The power of music.

Smiles

Toddlers bounced along, drunk people danced, as did grannies and grandads, mums, dads, the weans, goths and emos (is that still a thing?) and several teenage girls eyed up the band (Mark was getting a lot of eyeballing). As I scanned the sizeable gathering, every single person had a huge smile on there face, and that included even shoppers that didn’t stop and watch but took note as they walked by.

It was heartening to see so many people from such a variety of backgrounds come together to enjoy a joint experience in the sunshine of a Glasgow July day. And the skill of the band was reflected in the reaction after each song and the constant stream of people throwing money in their guitar case, and not just loose change either. That isn’t to say the band wouldn’t be grateful for every small donation and every penny given. I saw wee old grannies throw in a handful of coins and passing a thank you to the band as they went about their day, music fans impressed by the bands repertoire chucking in their share.

The lasting impression is the joy brought to everyone who took some time out to stop for a couple of songs, or the ones like me who ended up there for well over an hour.

Look after yourselves, take heed of what your brain is telling you and never underestimate the restorative powers of music.