Gig Etiquette
Having recently been to see the magnificent The The live at the famous Glasgow Barrowland, I felt inspired to write this slightly tongue in cheek commentary on gig etiquette.
Why, I hear you ask?
Firstly, there were posters all around the venue urging us to enjoy the live music experience, well…live I suppose. Matt Johnson’s opening request on taking to the stage was the same – please don’t video, leave your phones in your pockets and enjoy the live experience.
Secondly, was at one point being stuck behind a bloke of Andre the Giant proportions who appeared to have taken up ballet dancing instead of wrestling . He appeared incapable of standing in one spot doing several pas de basque every 10 seconds or so.
Going back to Matt Johnson, as it was important to him, I will take that as my starter for ten.
MOBILE Phones
Unfortunately, mobile phones are an integral and seemingly unavoidable part of 21st century society. They span generations, nearly everyone has one. I’m no different. I’m too addicted to mine but, probably like a large percentage of people, not as a phone, but as a means of accessing e-mails, texts, social media, the internet… I’ve seen myself check for e-mails and messages, then do it again less than a minute or so later even though nothing has changed.
In my opinion, the mobile phone is possibly one of the worst modern inventions in terms of impacting negatively on mental health, but, I digress, that is a different subject (and – note to self – a different blog post.)
Mobile phones at gigs
That’s what this as about. Goodthing/bad thing? Probably a bit of both.
If you are anything like me, you are in the habit of checking into gigs on Facebook. A bit narcissistic? Possibly. It has been said to me, does anyone else really want to know you are at a tiny venue with 3 men and a dug watching a new band no-one has heard of?
Well, yes, I do. I want to know who is going to see bands, what bands they are seeing and where. Maybe pick up a few hot tips for good music, venues and future gigs.
It is social media after all, a place to socialise online, a place to share things with friends and associates. Be that a picture of your dinner, a photo of your kids on their first day back at school, a YouTube video of a band you want everyone else to love, a funny quote…Most people I hear moaning about what is on social media are the ones who never post anything. No-one is forcing you to be on social media. If you’re not posting anything are you not just the equivalent of a stalker?
I’ll take a few snaps during a gig, mainly for posting with any reviews, even though the pictures are mostly of fairly poor quality from being taken in a dark room on a shitty phone camera.
There are a couple of things I struggle to understand with regard to phones at gigs though.
Live Streaming
The punter that starts a live stream to let everyone on their timelines “see” and “hear” what they are experiencing. What is my issue with this?
Well, apart from the fact I wouldn’t know how to do it, even though somehow I did stream myself live once without having a clue how I managed to or how I stopped it. It caused much hilarity within my family who already have me pinned as an old git.
First. If I’m not there, why am I not there? It may be because I don’t want to, so I really don’t want to see a live stream of someone I didn’t want to go and see anyway.
Second, and this is the reason I put “see” and “hear” in inverted commas. If I do like the band, and get a notification that someone is live, I’m tempted to tap on the post to see what they are like.
However, more often than not, I regret tapping to watch because:
– The live stream buffers or freezes so you can’t see or hear anything anyway.
– The sound and vision are so shit it sounds like you are tuning an old radio and achieving nothing but white noise.
– The person streaming is drunk, so you get a pointless 10 second clip of the band then the floor, the roof, a selfie of them singing or the crowd around them.
– I get a sore neck because they’ve held the phone in landscape and the video is sideways.
I’m sure live streaming has its place, maybe not always the place they are streamed from.
Videos
I don’t have an issue with people recording videos of the band. Some bands welcome it, they like to be able to share these videos on their own timelines, giving them a bit more exposure. People I know regularly record good quality videos at shows, but do it inconspicuously.
My pet hate is trying to see past someone else’s mobile phone straining to watch the band while they are merrily watching via their tiny phone screen. So, I do mind if it impacts my enjoyment of the gig. I hope these people enjoy watching the whole show through a minute screen while I’m enjoying the full immersive experience. And that they enjoy watching a shitty video with crappy distorted sound later in the comfort of their own home.
Drink – alcohol specifically
This is going to have me sounding like a killjoy or a prude, or some sort of music snob. It is not meant to. All are far from the truth. I freely admit I have probably been one of these people I describe in the past. I enjoy a drink, maybe I used to enjoy too many before or during a gig. Anyhow.
Throwing pints
WTF is that all about. Especially these days when a pint in some venues can cost you a fiver. What kind of knob chucks their pints away? What a waste of money.
Hang on, was that lager? If it wasn’t and it is the alternative I am thinking of, then you’re even more of a wanker. Were you not brought up in a civilised society, have you never heard of toilets?
The serial bar visitor
FFS can you not listen to 2 songs without a drink? I’ve been at gigs where I’m sure the same person visited the bar more often than they watched the band. Save your money mate, listen to the record and get pished on shitty lager in your house. Reconstruct the same effect by going through to the kitchen a few times making sure you don’t hear the whole record.
Plus, if you are going to go to the bar every 2 songs, could you not stand at that side of the venue instead of the opposite side, barging past everyone else to get there? Then when you return you become…
The person incapable of carrying a pint without spilling it
When you get back to where you came from you have 3 half pints because half of one pint is down my back, another half is over someone’s new suede jacket and then the rest over the guy with the pristine white t-shirt further along. And you look at me with a surprised look when I tell you to watch what the fuck you’re doing.
The drunk person who has no grasp of personal space
If you bump into me one more time I’m going to shove you into next week.
Oh wait, and after drinking all those pints, you’re now barging past me again to go to the toilet.
Talking
Perhaps a surprise to some, but I go to a gig to listen to the music. Who knew? I know that is hard for some to grasp. Of course, going to gigs is a social occasion, but there is plenty of time before, between or after the bands to catch up with your pals and the last episode of Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead, or what you had for your tea last night. If you decide to have a loud conversation with your mates during a song, expect to be told to shut the fuck up.
Its bad enough if it as full electric performance. I had 3 guys in front of me at a Jesus and Mary Chain gig. I believe they fitted into a number of the categories I’ve already mentioned. They were at the bar more often than watching the band and when they weren’t at the bar, two of the three had their back to the gig and chatted more than they watched the band. Off-putting at best. When the same happens during an acoustic gig and I can hear every word of your conversation over the vocalist and so can the rest of the punters in the venue – well, you know what you can do.
Song Requests
That one punter that stands next to you and shouts over and over for the same song. You’re wasting your breath. I hate to tell you, the band decided on their set list long ago. Surprisingly they have actually planned, prepared and practiced for the gig. If they do happen to change the setlist, it won’t be because you’ve shouted yourself hoarse in my ear for the same song incessantly.
Singing
Everyone does it, including me. You sing along to your favourite songs. That’s what you’re supposed to do. There are songs that are made for it and the bands are gutted if the audience doesn’t participate. Gigs are a two-way street. It is soul destroying for a band to play to a crowd of silent stony-faced punters.
But, see if you are singing every word, out of tune and sometimes the wrong words, right in my ear so loudly you are drowning out the actual vocals, expect me to be pissed off.
Venue PositionING
If I’m standing at the back against a wall, there is probably a reason for it. It may be that I just want to quietly enjoy the music. If you try to grab me and make me pogo, it’s probably not going to work (see also drunk people with no concept of personal space.) Similarly, if I’m down at the front having a dance or a pogo and I accidentally bump into you, don’t look at me as if I’m a monster when you are standing stock still rubbing your chin thoughtfully in the middle of a pit.
Punter height
There is a well-known phrase that says size doesn’t matter. It does at a gig. Decent folk who are tall think about where they are standing. They check who is behind them and as far as possible make sure that anyone shorter than them can see past them or they’ll move to accommodate. I’m tall, and I know this because I do it.
People like to get to gigs early sometimes, they find a position where they have a good view of the stage. See you 7-foot-tall latecomers that just walk in buy a pint and push their way in plonking yourself in everyone’s way. Cheers, thanks for being so thoughtful.
–
I’m sure there are more that I’ve forgotten, but I am at peace now. That feels better. Yes, I know there is an easy solution to this, I move somewhere else in the venue away from the minor irritation. Simple. But I’m glad I got it off my chest anyway.
Enjoy your next gig.